53 pages • 1 hour read
Without Merit
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Themes
The Danger of Well-intentioned Lies
Barnaby and Victoria lie to their children regularly to protect their innocence. Vicky also withholds the truth from her children: “My mother sits down on the bed, dumbfounded. ‘Merit. There are some things you’re too young to understand’” (148). All three parents underestimate their children’s ability to accept the truth. While their lies are well-intended, sheltering the children from the truth limits Honor, Merit, Utah, and Moby’s ability to understand their family dynamics. Victoria lies to Moby about sex, death, and the definition of a curse word. Similarly, Barnaby lies to the older Voss children about the severity of Vicky’s mental health symptoms, thinking the children would judge her if they knew the truth. However, this works against Barnaby, especially with Merit, who believes her mother is neglecting them on purpose. Once Barnaby reveals the truth about Vicky, the siblings can understand and justify Barnaby’s past affair with Victoria and his current relationship with Vicky. Additionally, the Voss children develop more sympathy for their mother and become more protective of her.
Utah and Honor ask Merit to keep their secrets, further driving a wedge between Merit and the rest of the family. The secrets Merit keeps worsen her symptoms of depression, nearly pushing her to violence. For example, Merit wants to physically hurt Utah after he demands she not tell anyone about his and Luck’s relationship: “I want to punch him, but I’m not a violent person. I don’t think. I’m not sure, because my hand balls into a fist…” (189). This last secret proves to be too much for Merit. Motivated by anger and sadness, she confesses everything she has held in for years in her letter and then attempts to die by suicide. Merit wants to hurt her family members by writing this letter, but she also wants to show how much she has been hurting.
Even though the well-intended lies are meant to protect others, they really only protect the person creating the lie. Barnaby lies about Vicky’s condition because he cannot cope with who she has become. Victoria lies to Moby to avoid having difficult conversations with him. She lies to the older Voss children because it is easier for her to take their resentment than to explain that Barnaby has a sexual relationship with both her and Vicky. Vicky lies about her condition because she is ashamed of her mental illness and remaining in her bubble is easier than getting help. By never admitting to sexually molesting Merit, Utah never has to face his guilt and shame about his actions. Each of these lies creates an imbalanced power dynamic favoring the person who tells the lie; Barnaby has no evidence that the children could not handle the truth about Vicky’s mental health, but in keeping that knowledge from them, he places himself in a position of power, allowing them to suffer unnecessarily under their false assumptions about the family. This is especially true for Merit, and it takes her nearly losing her life to get her family members to communicate honestly about the truths they can no longer ignore.
The Importance of Forgiveness
Merit’s coming-of-age journey centers on her realizing that she needs to forgive rather than judge her family members for their mistakes. The novel establishes that each of Merit’s family relationships presents a unique challenge, and these challenges weigh Merit down and contribute to her depression. Throughout most of the novel, Merit does not want to be part of the family that alienates her. After Sagan moves in, she writes to him: “You actually have the option to leave, yet for some reason, you stay with the most screwed-up family in Texas” (196). From Merit’s point of view, she cannot understand why anyone would voluntarily stay with her family, given what she considers their abnormal situation.
Merit is not wrong to want her family members to account for their actions: The secrets and lies that Merit lives with impact her emotional health significantly, and neither her parents nor her siblings consider the damage this causes her. Until Sagan arrives, no one takes Merit’s side; Barnaby and Victoria are united, as are Honor and Utah. Barnaby is allied with Vicky, and none of these alliances realize that Merit has been left out. Her attempts to gain visibility in school and at home by disappearing testify to Merit’s intense desire to be seen, and tragically, her attempts fail.
When Sagan initially suggests Merit consider forgiving her family members, Merit thinks, “I’m not sure I’m capable of that much forgiveness” (167). Only after the tension is broken by Merit’s suicide attempt does the family realize it needs to be more open. Their honest conversation helps Merit understand the truth about the family; it also helps her recognize how she hurt those around her. Merit realizes how judgmental and mean she was to Honor when she talked about Honor’s relationship history with young men experiencing terminal illnesses. Merit also realizes, “All these years I’ve hated Utah for not making an effort to be closer to me, and here I am treating my own twin sister the exact same way” (317). Merit’s recognition of her flaws and mistakes triggers Honor’s immediate forgiveness. In turn, Merit forgives Honor for years of distance.
Likewise, Merit learns to forgive her other family members and accept their forgiveness. When Utah opens up to Merit about being bullied for his sexuality, and Barnaby reveals the extent of Vicky’s mental health challenges, Merit can understand why and how her family members made their past mistakes. Forgiveness comes more easily to Merit when she possesses enough information to develop sympathy. Merit’s parents and siblings did not realize how upset and resentful Merit felt as a result of their secret-keeping. Once they know how their actions negatively affect Merit, they can acknowledge Merit’s feelings, take responsibility for their actions, and make an effort to change.
The Illusion of Normality
As much as Merit favors the eccentric (i.e., Sagan’s tattoos and drawings, Luck’s wardrobe), she feels intense shame knowing her family does not fit the description of a traditional nuclear family. Moreover, Merit feels abnormal upon realizing she has depression. Luck argues with Merit: “Having depression is no more out of your control than Sagan’s intolerance to milk, or Utah’s pale skin, or Honor’s bad vision. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. […] And it doesn’t make you abnormal” (334). Merit learns that normality is only an illusion as she comes to terms with having depression. No person is entirely free of abnormalities, and no family perfectly fits the description of normal.
Sagan helps Merit realize there is no point in striving to be something that doesn’t exist. As Merit drops the expectation of normalcy, she becomes more open-minded and accepting of those around her. Merit and Sagan paint Dollar Voss’s white picket fence (traditionally a symbol of American, middle-class, nuclear families) purple to celebrate individuality. Merit also learns to expand her way of thinking about sex and sexuality through her interactions with Luck. Merit initially judges Luck harshly for having dozens of sexual partners. Later, Luck defines his pansexuality for Merit after she falsely describes Luck as gay. Merit realizes that as a result of her sheltered life, she has limited knowledge of sex and sexuality and has much to learn.
The desire for normalcy comes through in Utah’s attempts to change his sexual orientation after being bulled in school for being gay. Consequently, Utah tries to convert his sexuality, severely damaging his relationship with Merit and traumatizing her in the process. Utah’s experience demonstrates the dangerous consequences of heteronormativity. Had Utah’s peers accepted him for who he was, Utah never would have had no reason to change. Instead, multiple layers of trauma ensued from a child’s desire to escape anti-gay harassment.
The novel’s first-person narration underscores that one’s point of view is completely subjective. Merit’s judgmental view of her family limits the audience’s ability understand their motivations. The narration is emotionally charged with Merit’s depression and alienation, and this affects how she portrays those around her. Sagan’s story, “Perspective,” parallels this narrow viewpoint when the King drastically jumps to conclusions: “The bird said, “But king, you merely assumed. You didn’t even try. Look from a different perspective. Don’t just look from your own two eyes” (104-05). When Merit communicates with her family members and they speak directly via dialogue, readers of Without Merit receive the whole story. For this to happen, the Vosses too have to give up their expectations of normalcy and admit to the messiness of their actions. Only at the end of the novel, after everyone has let go of their pretenses, does the narrative become reliable.
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