Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

Blue returns Jacques’s, or Simon’s, message the day after Halloween. He says he hopes Simon’s Halloween went well and that he had almost no trick-or-treaters, so he had to eat the extra Reese’s candy. Blue writes that he dislikes football, but he is looking forward to the homecoming game and dance because he enjoys the tradition. Blue makes fun of Simon’s autocorrect mistakes.

Simon sarcastically responds later that day, “Very funny, Blue” (58). Simon says his Halloween was good and alludes to going to a party, which he explains was a slightly out-of-character move for him. Simon mentions secret identities, and he asks Blue if he ever feels trapped in his own identity. He says, “sometimes it seems like everyone knows who I am except me” (59). He also discusses Decades Day as part of homecoming week that week and wonders how Blue will dress for it.

Blue discusses the subject line of Simon’s last email, “Reese’s are better than sex” (58). Blue remarks he wouldn’t know, but he suggests that Simon stop having heterosexual sex. He says that he understands what Simon means about getting locked into an identity. Blue writes it makes him feel nauseous when it happens. He says while he knows Simon (Jacques) is kidding, he doesn’t want to say anything about what costume he will wear for Decades Day. It’s scary for him to think about someone knowing who he really is.

Simon apologizes for making Blue uncomfortable about knowing his costume and emphasizes how important the emails are to him. He also admits he doesn’t know really whether Reese’s are better than sex, but he thinks non-hetero sex might be better than Reese’s.

Wednesday is Gender Bender Day for homecoming week, which Simon observes is just straight people cross-dressing. The soccer players wear cheerleading outfits, including Nick and his friend Bram Greenfield. Simon notices their calves in the skirts and notes that Bram is cute. Abby shows up to English class and wonders why Leah and Simon didn’t dress up. Simon reflects on how cross-dressing really mortifies him for reasons he doesn’t understand, even though as a kid he used to enjoy it. Leah dresses more feminine to be subversive.

On Friday, Nick suggests they go to the homecoming game that night, and Simon agrees, thinking Blue might be there. Leah, horrified by the suggestion, brings up their tradition of going to Waffle House during games. Abby approaches and asks if everyone is looking forward to the game (where she will be cheerleading), which angers Leah.

That night, Nick and Simon meet Abby for the parade, and Simon likes the exciting atmosphere of homecoming. They end up joining the junior class float themed around country music, which Simon enjoys, too, feeling like it’s a relief not to be cynical about something. At the game, Abby goes to be a cheerleader, and Nick and Simon try to sit with Nick’s soccer friends, but there’s not enough room. Simon decides to sit with his drama club friends, including Cal. Sitting next to Cal and talking about the game, Simon wonders if Cal is Blue, and he feels attracted to him. Martin sits down next to Simon, too, and he says he asked Abby to the dance, but she was going with someone already. Simon realizes he should have told Martin, and he feels guilty, even though Martin is blackmailing him. He wonders that if Martin gives up on Abby he will hold the emails over him forever.

Simon writes to Blue and says that Oreos should be considered their own food group and he relates a childhood fantasy he and his sisters had of a land where everything was made of Oreos. Blue says he didn’t realize was writing to such an Oreo expert, and that it sounds like Simon (Jacques) is unusually into sweets.

Simon responds with the subject line “Sweet tooth?,” and says, “I can’t imagine why you’d think that” (78). Simon jokes around about the Oreo diet he wants Blue to go on. He writes that it’s making him hungry, and he observes when he was younger, he used to fantasize about junk food and get hungry all the time. He says he supposes kids fantasize about food before they become interested in sex.

Blue says he can’t eat the deep-fried Oreos part of Simon’s diet suggestion because he had one once before going on a Tilt-A-Whirl at a carnival, which was a mistake because he gets sick easily. He writes that he likes imagining Simon fantasizing about junk food as a kid. He also writes that he likes imagining Simon fantasizing now about sex.

In bed, Simon thinks about Blue saying he likes to imagine him fantasizing about having sex. He finds it a “good kind of a confusing,” since he thought he was the one feeling that way about their emails (80). Simon imagines kissing Blue, whom he pictures looking like Cal.

On Monday on the way to school, Leah brings Simon a CD mix she made for his birthday for him to load on to his iPod. She wants to make sure they’re okay after the tension about going to the homecoming game, and Simon apologizes for leaving her behind. She gives him a party hat for his birthday. At lunch that day, Simon’s friends have a cake for him. Simon is sure Leah is the one who picked it out.

At rehearsal, Cal wishes Simon a happy birthday, and Simon is delighted. He asks if Simon is doing anything to celebrate, and Simon mentions an Oreo ice cream cake, just to see if Cal reacts to the mention of Oreos. Simon doesn’t notice a reaction, but he isn’t sure that it means much. As Cal walks away, he puts his hand on Simon’s shoulder for a moment, which thrills Simon.