Pack Up the Moon

Joshua Park, a medical device engineer, returns home to Providence, Rhode Island, from a business trip to Boston just in time to retrieve flowers for his wife on their anniversary and hide presents around their apartment. At the end of a hallway strewn with pink rose petals, his wife awaits him in their bedroom. After dismissing the thought that she went out in the cold weather and checking that she isn’t too tired, Josh kisses Lauren. He detects chocolate in her mouth, and Lauren admits she found the salted caramels Josh had hidden. They share laughs and whispers about how lucky they are. Joshua knows that he will love her for all his life and she will love him for all of hers—“however long or short a time that would be” (5).

Joshua looks around for his wife at her funeral, desperate for guidance about how to act and what to say. Donna, Lauren’s mother, sobs throughout the service, and Jen, Lauren’s sister, delivers the eulogy while Josh struggles to focus on the event at hand. He laments that he couldn’t find a cure for idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF), which fills the lungs with scar tissue, despite his degrees and professional reputation.

Josh’s mother, Stephanie, and his mother’s best friends and next-door neighbors, Ben and Sumi Kim, pay their respects, along with Lauren’s colleagues Santino and Louise. Lori Cantore from Pearl Churchwell Harris, Architects, and Lauren’s boss, Bruce Churchwell, also attend. Asmaa Quayum, Director of the Hope Center, Lauren’s favorite place in Providence to volunteer; Sarah, Lauren’s best friend; and “Creepy” Charlotte, who lives on the first floor of their building, attend as well. In comparison, few people who know Josh attend. When a woman approaches Josh to offer condolences, Josh learns that she is his remote assistant from Long Island, Cookie Goldberg. 

Josh wonders how his relationships with Lauren’s family might change as he holds Octavia, his niece-in-law, and his nephew-in-law, Sebastian. When Josh later enters the apartment, everything reminds him of Lauren. Josh changes clothes and then goes to the roof, turns on the gas grill, and burns the clothes he wore that day while a seagull watches. 

Lauren writes to her father that she and Josh returned from the Cape again, lamenting that she feels exhausted and melancholy. After the summer, Lauren takes a turn for the worse, using oxygen almost always and working from home. Lauren again mentions the Cape, this time with gratitude for the perspective that the sea offers, and explains her “energy plans” for getting through everything from showering to seeing family (19). She curses IPF and her deteriorating lungs but stresses how fortunate she is to have Josh.

After her letter ends, Lauren sits on the couch with Pebbles, her dog, and Josh brings her a present: a mobility scooter. Her mind fills with despair, but she smiles at Josh and thanks him before naming it Godzilla. Lauren’s scooter allows her to spend more time outside, and on a walk one day, she and Josh muse about buying a beautiful house in the future.

Josh does not leave the house for weeks after Lauren passes. He lies to friends who inquire about his well-being and is overcome with worry about how others are doing without Lauren. He misses her, recalling how caring for her used to fill his days. 

Per Lauren’s request, Josh plants her ashes in the bamboo tree urn and is determined to keep the plant alive despite all others in their apartment dying. He recalls various memories with Lauren, from family events to her death to their honeymoon in Hawaii. When Sarah comes to check on Josh, she finds a mess. She helps tidy up and ensures that Josh showers; then, she commiserates and helps remind him of daily responsibilities, like walking Pebbles. Before departing, she leaves a letter from Lauren. 

In her letter, Lauren apologizes for dying and reiterates how much she loves him. She explains that she has written letters to help him through the first year without her by giving him tasks, which she’ll watch from the Great Beyond. Lauren tells Josh to go to the grocery store this month. She guesses that their apartment is likely a mess and says, “Don’t be a loser!” (37). She closes with Morgan Freeman’s quote in Shawshank, which makes Josh laugh. He follows her advice, but when Josh checks out at the grocery store, Yolanda, the store manager, pays for the groceries because Josh forgot his wallet.

Lauren’s letter updates her father on her return from the Caribbean, Octavia’s birth, and Lauren’s bout of pneumonia. She has tried Western and Eastern medicines for treatment. She offers updates about work: how Lori Cantore is already asking for her office, her design for a library’s children’s wing, and her boss, Bruce’s, flexibility and support during her illness. When Lauren’s doctor, Dr. Kwana Bennett, suggested she stop traveling, Josh acquired a long-term rental on Cape Cod for when Lauren wanted a change of scenery. Lauren assures her dad that Josh is a terrific son-in-law. 

On the Cape, Lauren feels more normal. Josh prepares to leave for a conference in Sacramento, and Lauren assures him she’ll be okay. Then, they share a passionate evening of sex and love. In Josh’s absence, Lauren recalls receiving her diagnosis a year and a half ago. A seagull lands on the deck, and Lauren ponders choosing a seagull for her Patronus, admiring them as “impressive…calm and fearless” (48). She recalls changing majors after her father’s death and thinks about the two projects she’s working on now. Jen comes to visit with her children throughout the summer, but her mother, Donna, doesn’t. Sarah and Stephanie visit often. Lauren asks Stephanie about Josh’s father, and Stephanie briefly answers that he left for a summer program upon learning she was pregnant and never returned. 

On the Cape, Lauren misses her dad often and feels closer to him as death approaches. Lauren stays grounded in the present moment rather than “wasting time” thinking about her illness with a girls’ weekend (54). 

Lauren writes to her father about the abounding love in the hospital room at Octavia’s birth. Two weeks later, Lauren helps Jen by babysitting. Lauren walks Octavia in the stroller and cries upon realizing she won’t have children of her own. Lauren contemplates things she won’t see Octavia do in the future and then returns to the present when Octavia spits up breast milk in her hair: “You can’t think about what you won’t get to see, what you’ll never have. Ain’t no one got time for that” (59).

In her second letter to Josh, Lauren asks how he’s doing, how Pebbles is faring, and whether he completed the grocery shopping task from her first letter. This month, Josh’s task is to invite people over for dinner to prevent loneliness and nurture the relationships founded in their marriage. Josh hates the idea of a dinner party but wants to show Lauren he can live without her and fulfill her wishes. He imagines her there, recounting her smell, laughter, appearance, and glow in the sunshine. He decides to invite Jen; Jen’s husband, Darius; and Sarah to his dinner party. To avoid the awkwardness of them seeming like a foursome on a double date, Josh suggests that Sarah bring a date.

Josh brings money with him to the grocery store and repays Yolanda. “Creepy” Charlotte attempts to flirt with Josh when he returns to the apartment building, but Josh responds tersely. When everyone arrives for dinner, Sarah introduces Ken Beekman, her date, the only one who does not cry or share their sadness. Jen muses that her mom is doing great thanks to attending a grief group and the man she now dates. Jen then goes to see Lauren’s tree and looks at it, crying. 

When the dinner begins, Ken drives the conversation forward, but Josh’s mind turns to Lauren often, causing him to burn the glaze for his Korean chicken dish and appear disconnected from conversation at times. Pebbles knocks the table, causing glassware and the platter to break. Though Josh wishes everyone would leave, he suggests they stay and order pizza instead. After pizza, Ken pitches a protein shake to his audience, and everyone grows angry with him. Josh feels a “red-out” (fit of episodic rage) coming on and then throws Ken out. When he turns back, everyone including Josh laughs—his first laugh since Lauren died, he realizes.