My Life as an Ice Cream Sandwich

Ebony-Grace hates church. Church is where Momma pinches her when she doesn’t pay attention. It’s where her mom’s friends call her a “divorcee” behind her back, and it’s where Sunday school students tell her that Jesus isn’t an astronaut. She lies to Señora Luz and claims she doesn’t have a dress. Señora Luz doesn’t believe her. Momma is “fancy,” like the wealthy singer Dominique Deveraux from the primetime soap opera Dynasty (1981-1989). As they’re running late, Señora Luz lets Ebony-Grace not dress up this time.

Walking to church, the trio passes tall buildings, crumbling buildings, churches that aren’t their church, and tons of trash. Bianca tells Ebony-Grace not to step on the cracks—if she does, she’ll break her mom’s back. Ebony-Grace doesn’t believe her, and she wonders if the evil minions told her that nonsense. Bianca says they’re neither evil nor “onions,” but the girls are her friends. Ebony-Grace says it’s “minions,” not “onions.”

Ebony-Grace turns the cracks into moon craters—step on them, and the Earth blows up. Playing along, Bianca doesn’t care if the Earth explodes: They’re already on the moon, and Bianca’s grandma is with them, but Ebony-Grace’s dad is on Earth with the evil “onions.” Ebony-Grace can’t blow up Earth if her dad is still on it. Bianca counters: If she rescues her dad, she saves the “onions” too.

After 14 blocks, the trio enters the church, Holy Redeemer Church, and Calvin (Pigeon-Chest Boy or Stone-Cold Calvin) heckles Ebony-Grace for not wearing church clothes. Ebony-Grace wants to hit him, but Bianca dissuades her. Calvin tells her she isn’t Wonder Woman, and one of his “minions” notices she has on boy clothes. Calvin and his friends laugh at Ebony-Grace until adults quiet them.

Ebony-Grace hears the adults whisper that Daddy “dumped” her on Señora Luz, and they lament her outfit. Señora Luz says she’ll dress properly next time. Unable to restrain herself, Ebony-Grace blurts out there won’t be a next time. Sweetly, Señora Luz says Ebony-Grace and Bianca can go to Sunday school together.

As Bianca and Ebony-Grace go to the Sunday school area in the church basement, Ebony-Grace offers to help her rebel against King Sirius Julius and liberate No Joke City. Bianca rolls her eyes, expresses her annoyance in Spanish, and calls Ebony-Grace “so weird.” The other children harp on Ebony-Grace’s Superman outfit, and one boy asks if he can wear his Adidas tracksuit next Sunday. Using her Bracelets of Submission, Ebony-Grace deflects the comments. She screams Jesus isn’t an astronaut and runs home.

Daddy tells Ebony-Grace she can’t “run around” Harlem. She doesn’t know the neighborhood, and she’d probably give a “dope fiend” $5 and let him use their bathroom. Ebony-Grace doesn’t know what “dope fiend” means, and she can’t tell if Daddy is angry at her or speaking loudly due to the music. He plays Al Green’s “Love and Happiness“ (1972), and Ebony-Grace thinks he’s trying to control her mind.

Daddy tells Ebony-Grace that people believe he should’ve let her stay in Alabama, but he didn’t want Granddaddy’s “stuff” to negatively impact her. Ebony-Grace wants to know about the “stuff” happening with Granddaddy.

Grandaddy wasn’t a NASA astronaut but a NASA engineer. Without him, there’d be no space shuttles. Before graduating from elementary school, Ebony-Grace went into his office closet and tried on the space suits—the suits worn by Sally Ride (in 1983, she became the first woman to travel to space) and Guion Bluford (in 1983, he became the first Black person to travel to space). Momma caught her and scolded her. She wanted her daughter to wear a frilly dress to graduation, but Ebony-Grace wanted to wear a space suit. At graduation, she planned to announce her true identity: Space Cadet E-Grace Starfleet.

During graduation, Ebony-Grace didn’t reveal anything, and Granddaddy wasn’t there. When Ebony-Grace returned, Granddaddy was in his rocking chair on the front porch, and it looked like his imagination was gone. Momma’s friends said Granddaddy had lost his “soul” and couldn’t atone for that “kinda sin.” As Granddaddy prepared for his “long trip,” he told Ebony-Grace that she had to stay undercover. She asked her grandpa about his mission. Avoiding the question, he told her she’d be fine.

Back in Harlem, Ebony-Grace talks to Momma on the phone, and Momma says Granddaddy is in a “bit of trouble” due to poor choices. Ebony-Grace has to stay in New York City longer. She promises Momma to keep her distance from the car shop and the kids. She can’t play in the trash, but she can play with Bianca, attend church, and read books from the library. Ebony-Grace asks for details about Granddaddy’s “trouble,” but her Momma remains vague.

Ebony-Grace doesn’t try to eavesdrop on Momma and Daddy’s phone call. She wishes she had a VCR to watch Star Trek: The Motion Picture—Special Longer Version (1983). Instead, she reads a Star Trek comic book and then folds a piece of paper into a tiny square. Sometimes, her imagination feels like a miniature square—there’s no room for new thoughts.

Daddy hires Diane, a teen girl who just graduated high school, to babysit Ebony-Grace. According to Momma, any person with the name of Diane or Diana is a diva, including Diahann Carroll (the actress who plays Dominique Deveraux on Dynasty), Diana Ross (the singer), and Princess Diana. Diane wears a “too-short” t-shirt, shorts that look like “underwear,” and plastic sandals. Ebony-Grace thinks Diane—or Diva Diane—looks like a Soul Train dancer from space. Diane babysat Ebony-Grace years ago when she was 14, but Ebony-Grace doesn’t remember.

Ebony-Grace follows Diane around Harlem like a “stray dog.” They run into teens wearing chains and Adidas, and one teen boy calls Diane “D-Boogie” and makes fun of Ebony-Grace for her Southern style. Using a telephone cord, other girls invite Diane to jump rope. The girls sing, and Ebony yells, “Blast off!” causing Diane to mess up.

Diane and Ebony-Grace go to the laundromat, a hair store, and a bodega (a small grocery/general goods store). Ebony-Grace avoids the cracks, and Diane says the cracks belong to the heads of her former boyfriends. Ebony-Grace says they’re moon craters, and Diane says Ebony-Grace is “outta sight.”

At Marcus Garvey Park, they see Calvin and his friends, and Calvin mocks Ebony-Grace for needing a babysitter, but Diane is babysitting Calvin next Friday. Calvin calls Ebony-Grace “ugly” and claims her glasses help her see through walls. Ebony-Grace says she can see through Calvin’s head, and there’s nothing there. Bianca threatens to hit Calvin if he doesn’t stop bothering Ebony-Grace, but when Ebony-Grace calls her and Bianca a “united front,” Bianca hushes her.

A group of girls—“nefarious minionettes”—arrive, and they wear the same tight, colorful, and short clothes as Diane. Rainbow Dull introduces herself as Monique or Mint Chocolate Monique, and she’s the leader of the Nine Flavas Crew (Nine-F Crew), which Ebony-Grace pronounces as “flavors.” She says “flava” isn’t a word. Diane says it is a word like “dope,” “fly,” and “fresh.” Diane suggests Ebony-Grace join the crew, but Bianca doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

Bianca is a member of the dance group. She’s Butter Pecan Bianca. There’s also Rum Raisin Rhonda, who has a side ponytail in beads and cornrows; gray-eyed Coconut Collette; bigger-bodied and smiley Vanilla Fudge Vanessa; Mango Megan, who’s taller and has a side Afro puff; Pistachio Paula, who’s taller than Vanessa; Cookies and Cream Christine, who wears thick glasses; and Strawberry Stacey, who has red cheeks.

Monique says Ebony-Grace lacks “flava” and calls her an “ice cream sandwich”—in other words, she’s chocolate (Black) on the outside but vanilla (white) on the inside. Ebony-Grace claims chocolate and vanilla are flavors, but she doesn’t want to be a flavor: She’d rather be a space officer. Monique quips Ebony-Grace is “so black” that she looks like outer space.

Ebony-Grace would rather be an “ice cream sandwich” than a flava. She wants to go home, but Diane makes her stay in the noisy, bustling park and watch the Nine-F Crew double-Dutch and breakdance.

Ebony-Grace remembers when Granddaddy told her about Planet Boom Box, the Funkazoids, and the Sonic King. That day, Ebony-Grace and her mom brought lunch to Granddaddy at the Marshall Space Flight Center. She identified herself as “Cadet E-Grace Starfleet,” but Granddaddy hushed her—he didn’t want her to expose their secret mission. Granddaddy introduced Ebony-Grace to Star Wars and Star Trek, and Granddaddy told Ebony-Grace she was about to go to Planet Boom Box (New York City).

Momma scolded Granddaddy for putting “nonsense” in her daughter’s head, but Granddaddy replied that outer space kept him “grounded.” Momma said outer space won’t stop the negative newspaper reports, and Granddaddy said the newspapers were never kind: They once referred to him and the other Black NASA engineers as “uppity Negroes.”

Later that night, Ebony-Grace and Grandaddy listened to a mixtape Daddy sent her, “Fresh from the Boom Box.” Granddaddy called the soulful funk songs gibberish, but he used the lyrics to create a melodious bedtime story for Ebony-Grace, featuring the Funkazoids, their Sonic King, and the mind-controlling Sonic Boom.