In My Dreams I Hold A Knife

Jessica meets her college friend Jack at his favorite dive bar. She’s there to get his blessing before returning to Duquette. He cannot attend because he was accused of Heather’s murder, and a cloud of suspicion still hangs over him, though the police never had enough evidence to convict him.

Jack tells Jessica he wants information and gossip about their friends. Coop, who Jessica seems to carry a flame for, is now together with their friend Caro. Jessica’s ex-boyfriend Mint, who broke up with her a year after college, is married to Courtney.

Before leaving, Jack tells Jessica to say hello to Heather’s brother Eric for him, which she finds strange because Eric blamed Jack for Heather’s murder. Jessica is also perturbed because Jack calls her a “sweetheart” and says she hasn’t changed since college, which makes her feel like a failure.

This chapter flashes back to August of Jessica’s first year at Duquette when the friends meet who later call themselves the “East House Seven”: Jessica, Heather, Caro, Jack, Coop, Mint, and Frankie. Heather, confident and pretty, says that her parents worship her. Caro is Columbian from Miami and grew up Presbyterian. Coop is a “bad boy” and rolls a joint in the middle of campus for all to see. Jack’s parents are Baptist, and he is an Eagle Scout, introducing himself with a polite handshake. Frankie plays on the football team and wears a crucifix around his neck to remind him of his “Catholic guilt.” Finally, the entitled Mint comes from a wealthy family who worship nothing but money.

Jessica arrives at the Duquette reception in an expensive dress and looking her best. She’s hoping to avoid her best friend, Caro, who is now engaged to Coop, the man Jessica has loved since college. As she walks to the bar, she turns heads just like she’d hoped, but Caro finds her quickly and is oblivious to Jessica’s feelings of ambivalence. Caro whisks her away to Mint’s wife, the rich and beautiful Courtney, who has been Jessica’s nemesis since college. The two women trade barbs until Mint and Frankie join the conversation. When Jessica hears Coop’s voice behind her, she freezes, feeling his magnetism again, even though he is now engaged to Caro.

During October of their first year at Duquette, the seven friends work on a float for the Homecoming parade, but a rival house, Chapman, ruins it. Jack has the idea to steal Chapman’s float, hide it, and unveil it as their own during the parade.

The plan works, and the East House Seven don bathing suits to match the float’s beach theme and ride Chapman’s float during the parade. Frankie sets off fireworks to distract the angry Chapman students and accidentally sets his shorts on fire, causing him to take them off and go nude. The chancellor intervenes and warns them not to do anything like that again. They go to a party later that night to find out they are famous on campus. The girls think this will help their chances of getting into their dream sorority, Chi Omega.

The girls will soon find out what sorority—if any—accepted them. Jessica dreams of being Chi Omega, known as the best on campus. Beside her, Caro squeals with delight when she finds out she’s in Kappa Kappa Gamma. Across the room, Jessica watches Heather and Courtney celebrate their acceptance to Chi Omega. She is crushed when she opens her letter to find it is from Kappa Kappa Gamma.

Feeling like a failure, Jessica leaves and encounters Coop, who tries to cheer her up. He talks her into going to his room and leaves to get her root beer and Red Vines, her favorite study snacks. While she waits, she cries until Coop’s roommate, Mint, enters. He tells her that she can make Kappa better than Chi O. Jessica tells him he has to tell her something he is ashamed of since she shared her feelings. He expresses shame over his mother’s affair and his father’s weaknesses. Then he tells Jessica he likes her and kisses her. Coop returns to the room laden with snacks for Jessica and sees them kissing.

At the reunion, Courtney toasts Coop and Caro, the newly engaged couple, and Jessica half-heartedly goes along. She then heads to the bar, and Coop follows her. His green eyes still act as magnets. She can’t help but stare into them. He asks her if they are going to “talk about” his engagement party. Jessica had cornered Coop, expressing her love and begging him to leave with her. Jessica tells him she was just drunk, implying it meant nothing.

Jessica receives a red envelope from a credit card company threatening to sue for nonpayment. In the last year, she racked up $10,000 of debt to live at the same level as her rich friends. The day she gets this envelope is Parents’ Weekend at Duquette, and Heather and Caro’s parents are toasting champagne when she walks in from checking her mail. Heather has been given a new BMW to replace her five-year-old convertible Audi. Jealous and unable to cope with the celebration in her dorm room, Jessica heads to Blackwell Tower to be alone. Coop is there. She tells him her troubles, and he commiserates, telling her he’s a scholarship kid and understands the money problems, which is why he sells drugs.

Jessica remembers her mother telling her that Duquette wasn’t worth the money, but Jessica saddled herself with student loans for her father, who was struggling with addiction to Oxycontin. Jessica felt at the time that her acceptance to a prestigious school was his only hope after ruining his life and career. He was disappointed she didn’t get into Harvard, but the Duquette acceptance placated him.

When Jessica tells Coop that he wouldn’t understand what she has gone through, he reveals his feelings for her and calls her “kind of a sociopath” (84), but one whom he loves and understands, faults and all. She kisses him, and they begin to undress. He offers to stop, but she wants to continue. The next day, Coop leaves $10,000 in cash on her desk so she can pay off her debt.

Jessica heads back to the reunion party to escape the conversation with Coop. Eric Shelby, Heather’s brother, is waiting with her friends. Eric suggests they all head to Heather’s memorial to pay their respects since it has been 10 years since her death. No one particularly wants to go, but feeling obligated, everyone goes along with the idea. Instead of taking them to Heather’s memorial on campus, he takes them to the basement of Phi Delta, the last place Heather was seen alive. The friends are unhappy that their celebratory night has been hijacked by Eric, who is obsessed with finding his sister’s murderer. He reveals that he has been researching them and their histories with Heather for the last decade. He no longer believes that Jack killed her, convinced instead that someone in the room did.