Having It Out with Melancholy

At its core, “Having It Out with Melancholy” showcases the nature of living with depression. Kenyon dealt with depression her entire life but was not officially diagnosed with Manic-Depression/bipolar disorder until age 38 (Kenyon, Jane, and Anna Andreevna Akhmatova. “An Interview with Bill Moyers.” A Hundred White Daffodils: Essays, Interviews, the Akhmatova Translations, Newspaper Columns, and One Poem, Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, MN, 1999, pp. 153).

In the same interview, Kenyon describes her depression as follows:

In my case, it’s more like a unipolar depression. Manic-Depression usually involves both poles of feeling. That is, when you’re happy, you’re too happy; when you’re sad, you get too sad. Mine behaves almost like a serious depression only, and I rarely become manic (Kenyon 153-59).

“Having It Out with Melancholy” gave her a chance to increase awareness and provide solace for other people with mental illness.

To explain her experiences, Kenyon uses the lyric poetic form, which centers the speaker’s subjective experiences and uses a first-person perspective rather than a linear plot, omniscient narrator, or a wide cast of characters.

Kenyon also wrote the poem in free verse, a form not reliant on patterns of rhyme and rhythm. Kenyon set no fixed number of lines per stanza or section. These choices give the sections different paces, creating an illusion of time passing. Doctors state that depressive episodes usually last over prolonged periods. Any depressive periods lasting more than two weeks usually confirm a patient’s mood disorder diagnosis. It also mirrors the inability to concentrate and memory gaps people with clinical depression or bipolar disorder experience during a “low” period.

Each of the poem’s sections subtly explains different symptoms of depression. The first section, “FROM THE NURSERY,” illustrates Kenyon’s bipolar disorder arises from biological factors. Her depression “waited / behind a pile of linen in the nursery” until it could “lay down / on top of me, pressing / the bile of desolation into every pore” (Lines 1-2, 3-5). Kenyon chooses to portray depression as an outside force to highlight her feelings of frustration and feelings of helplessness against it. However, its descent upon her in infancy links to her theory about inheriting it from her parents (Kenyon 159).

Kenyon further explains that depression influenced her worldview before she could even understand or identify the toy in her crib: “And from that day on / everything under the sun and moon / made me sad” (Lines 6-8), she affirms of depression. She follows this with another confession: “You taught me to exist without gratitude” (Line 11). Prolonged sadness, pessimism, and indifference all fall under symptoms of a depressive mood for people with bipolar disorder. Frequent thoughts of death and nihilism, or the feeling that “we’re here simply to wait for death,” can occur in both depression and bipolar disorder (Line 13). Kenyon even names depression as “the anti-urge,” linking it to the symptoms of energy loss and lack of concentration (Line 19).

The following two sections, “2. BOTTLES” and “3. SUGGESTIONS FROM A FRIEND,” do not focus on symptoms. “2. BOTTLES” lists different psychiatric drugs she takes or has tried. “3. SUGGESTIONS FROM A FRIEND” shows the diseases’ impact on her interpersonal relationships. Because her friend lacks insight into mental illnesses, she suggests that she try harder to believe in God because it would cure her depression.

The fourth section, “4. OFTEN,” begins with Kenyon making a habit of going to bed “as soon after dinner / as seems adult” (Lines 30-31). She states she goes to bed early to get more sleep since depression often brings physical “massive pain” and difficulty sleeping (Line 34). However, these symptoms and her management of them isolate her. The phrase “I mean I try to wait for dark” sounds like she tries to fit in or placate someone (Line 32). It expresses the guilt and concern about others’ judgment that people feel during depressive episodes.

“5. ONCE THERE WAS LIGHT” possesses a multitude of potential readings. Kenyon remembers seeing herself as

[…] a speck of light in the great

river of light that undulates through time

I was floating with the whole

human family (Lines 36-40).

Kenyon expresses profound awe at encountering every person who existed and will exist (Lines 40-41). However, her depression interrupts her tranquility and transcendence. The river’s beauty and predatory behavior belie its assurance that it does not want one of its dear ones to drown. The river’s surrealistic quality and depressive symptoms of disordered sleep may lend to the interpretation of an interrupted dream. Alternatively, the “saw” (Line 35) could point to an epiphany or artistic vision that depression stopped her from completing or enacting. The presence of other people may reference how Kenyon’s depression cuts her off from others, making her feel less like a human and more like “a piece of burned meat” (Line 59).

The sixth section, “IN AND OUT,” demonstrates the importance of connection in recovering during a depressive bout. Because Kenyon’s dog searches for her and chooses to spend time with her, Kenyon feels loved: “The sound of his breathing / saves my life” (Lines 56-57). People with depression and bipolar disorder experience difficulty expressing themselves during depressive periods. It becomes vital for their loved ones to reach out and support them.

Kenyon expresses the symptoms of depersonalization (when a person repeatedly feels they are watching themselves from the outside) in “7. PARDON.” “A piece of burned meat” seemingly walks into her house and assumes her identity (Line 59). Kenyon feels she is different from this meat, despite it mirroring her. Depression, however, leaves her lethargic and lacking courage.

She next mentions taking antidepressant medication. The “move on” (Line 66) either indicates that tiredness caused her doctor to move on to a new medication or that she takes the medication on a particular day; Kenyon leaves “we” ambiguous (Line 66). It could refer to her and the meat, her and her husband, or her and her doctor.

Although the drug makes her feel “day and night…as if I had drunk six cups of coffee,” it helps stop her pain and allows her to feel a part of her life again (Lines 67-69). She returns as a person “to marriage and friends, to pink fringed hollyhocks,” and “to my desk, books, and chair” (Lines 73-75).

As those “pharmaceutical wonders are at work,” Kenyon dreads how her depression keeps coming back in “8 CREDO” (Line 76). Depression enters her space like a rude guest, placing his “feet / on the coffee table” (Lines 80-81). He then takes over her life, turning her into someone who no longer finds pleasure in her work and who moves more slowly. She

[…] can’t

take the trouble to speak […]

[…] can’t sleep, or […] does nothing

but sleep; can’t read, or call (Lines 82-85).

Kenyon also points out in this section that these symptoms make it hard for a person to “call / for an appointment for help” (Lines 85-86), shedding light on how people can often use a person with a mental illness not reaching out for help as a way to discredit their experiences.

While waking as early as four o’clock in the morning can be a depression symptom or a Nardil side-effect, “9. WOOD THRUSH” ends the poem optimistically (Line 92). Kenyon leaves it open if her contentment is the ending of this depressive period, the beginning of a rare manic one, or a lull in her current depressive period. In the wood thrush bird’s morning song, Kenyon finds peace and “ordinary contentment” (Line 98). She feels awe at the world around her, especially “the great maples” (Line 103), the “easeful air” (Line 94), and the bird’s “bright, unequivocal eye” (Line 104).

Despite the difficulty and frustration depression causes, Kenyon proposes that hope and joy will return.