Go Ask Alice

Alice enjoys the beauty and freedom of summer, though she misses Joel. The two write letters to each other, and Alice worries that Joel sounds lonely. As Alice walks with Tim to the drugstore and park, she sees Jan, but no bullying occurs. She accepts a babysitting position with a neighbor who recently broke her leg. Alice hopes to refine her cooking skills as she cares for the family.

Alice’s diary entries abruptly change. Her entries are no longer dated. Held in a locked hospital room, Alice expresses frustration and terror at not being able to remember what happened to her. Her hands are extensively injured. She feels grateful to have her diary but mentions that a nurse unceremoniously dumped both diaries out and searched them for drugs. She can feel worms and maggots crawling all over her body. After several days, Alice can think more logically and rationally. Patches of hair are ripped out, and she has a brain contusion and fractured skull. She broke four toes, rebreaking them while trying to stand and walk in the hospital. Her fingertips are scratched away, and she’s missing two fingernails. Alice must sit with her hands under UV lamps to promote healing. She’s in significant pain.

Alice finally remembers what happened to her. While babysitting, she ate several chocolate-covered peanuts sitting on the counter. She believes that the candy was laced with LSD and that Jan or someone else planted it for her. She remembers panicking while trying to call her mother before feeling worms and maggots consuming her body. In addition, she remembers seeing her grandfather’s decomposing corpse unsuccessfully attempting to save her. The worms covered Alice’s body, crawling through her throat and mouth while pushing her into a coffin next to Gramps. Alice realizes that she attempted to claw her way away from the worms, which explains her harmed fingertips and missing hair.

Alice desperately wants to go home but will be transferred to another hospital instead. A nurse cuts her hair short and shaggy, and Alice is mortified by her appearance. She still experiences nightmares about worms and maggots but no longer speaks about the disturbing images. Her parents visit every day. Alice’s mother brings her a collection of letters from Joel; she lies to Joel on Alice’s behalf, explaining that Alice experienced a mental breakdown. After a few weeks, Alice learns that she’ll transfer to a psychiatric hospital. This news unsettles her, especially when she discovers that Jan and another girl testified against her in court, claiming that Alice attempted to sell them LSD for months. Alice’s parents believe that Jan planted the candy intentionally, and they work to get Jan to retract her statement. Alice feels terrified about being around other individuals with mental health conditions.

Alice exhibits symptoms resembling shock upon arriving at the psychiatric hospital. While she witnesses disturbing things, she eventually settles into the day room in the building for adolescents. School classes take place, though Alice must receive permission from her doctor before she can begin. Her doctor explains that she must admit to having a problem, but Alice refuses to confess to knowingly taking the LSD while babysitting. Alice makes friends with Babbie, the 13-year-old girl in the room next to Alice’s. She records Babbie’s story, noting that Babbie was introduced to drugs by an older man who propositioned her for sex. Her parents didn’t notice anything awry because Babbie got excellent grades. Babbie found it easy to sleep with more men for drugs, calling herself a “BP” (baby prostitute). She eventually ran away to Los Angeles and then San Francisco. Alice notices how sad Babbie seems when she talks about her life.

Alice struggles to sleep at night, hearing loud noises from other patients. Her hands are bandaged, and she prays she’s still experiencing a bad trip from which she’ll awaken. She considers death by suicide. After a few weeks, she’s allowed to attend school at the institution, which she recognizes is a privilege. No other activities occur for the adolescents; all students exhibit excellent behavior. Everyone smokes cigarettes, including the hospital staff, which Alice finds disgusting. She feels jealous of Babbie, who maintains a close relationship with an older female staff member who allows Babbie to watch TV.

Alice attends group therapy, which she finds helpful. She feels enlightened by listening to the other kids express their emotions and hearing others’ responses. Carter, the group leader, explains that Alice is in group two, and if she exhibits good behavior, she’ll move to group one. Group one enjoys more lenient privileges and will soon go on a field trip. Alice feels desperate to get out of the institution in any capacity.

Alice’s therapist approves of her ambition to become a child psychologist and encourages her to talk with the other kids. However, the other kids mostly talk about drugs and how much they look forward to getting out of the hospital so that they can get high again. Alice’s parents speak honestly with Joel, revealing the real reason why Alice is in a psychiatric hospital. He writes Alice a long letter, and although Alice feels nervous to read it, he expresses support and encouragement. Alice commits to being the best version of herself for Joel.

Alice’s parents finally convince Jan to sign an affidavit stating that she gave false testimony in court. Alice is released from the psychiatric hospital and returns home. Although she feels loved by her family after a warm welcome home, she hates herself. Her father takes a temporary position at a university in New York, covering for another professor who is recovering from a heart attack. Alice feels pleased to get away from her town. The family drives across the country together, staying in modest motel rooms. Alice wishes that Joel were with the family, but she thinks sharing a bedroom outside of wedlock wouldn’t be proper. She doesn’t want to have sex again until she’s married.

The family enjoys the lush green neighborhood where they stay. They take a train into Manhattan for the weekend, and although Alice feels excited to shop for new school clothes, she dislikes how hot and stuffy the city feels. With her family, Alice shops, visits museums, and sees a show at Radio City Music Hall.

Alice’s family returns home sooner rather than later. The drive is long; Alice looks forward to getting her driver’s license to help her parents during future road trips. She thinks about reuniting with Joel in a few weeks and wishes to be engaged to him.

Home with her possessions, Alice feels happy. She meets Fawn, a girl from school who Alice knows doesn’t associate with kids on drugs. Fawn invites Alice over to swim in her pool, and Alice enjoys the companionship. Alice’s piano teacher asks Alice to be her soloist at the next recital. Ecstatic, Alice can’t wait for her hands to finish healing so that she can practice more frequently. She counts down the days until Joel returns to town. Alice attends a pool party hosted by Fawn and makes friends with more straitlaced kids. Alice hopes that this group of friends will accept her but worries that the stories about her past experiences with drugs will work against her. Alice lies about her hands, though she considers being honest with her new friends. A few boys ask Alice on dates, but she refuses them all, believing that boys are the root of all her problems.

Joel surprises Alice for her birthday, attending her birthday dinner at her house. He comments on Alice’s causal appearance as she initially walks into the house, saying that he wanted to return to Chicago when he saw her unkempt look. Alice’s father and brother joke about tying Joel to the chair while Alice makes herself up. Alice feels loved and supported by her family, Joel, and new friends. She feels nervous about starting school again but believes that she has a sound support system. With that in mind, Alice gives up writing in her diary, considering speaking with others to be more mature.

The editors report that Alice died from an overdose three weeks after her final diary entry. Alice’s parents returned from a movie to find her body. The editors emphasize the significance of Alice’s death being only one of thousands of drug-related deaths that year.