Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

The clitoris is a genital organ with a singular purpose: sensation. The clitoris has two parts. The first part is the glans clitoris, which is external and located toward the top of the genitals. The other part of the clitoris is its shaft, which extends internally.

The dual control model refers to a system for sexual response that was first discovered in the 1990s by researchers Erick Janssen and John Bancroft. A series of brakes and accelerators impact the central nervous system and, with it, sexual desire and arousal.

The hymen is a thin membrane along the vaginal opening. Common myths about the hymen include that it is only broken by sex and that it is indicative of virginity. The hymen can be broken or stretched in many ways, and some women are born without a hymen. It serves no function, and it can grow back once it has been broken.

The term “intersex” is used to describe individuals who are born with sex characteristics in both categories that are typically assigned to either male or female. Intersex can also refer to chromosome patterns that exist outside of “XX” or “XY.”

The mons, or mons pubis, is the area above the vulva and pubic bone. This area is where hair grows and is often the shape of a triangle.

Nonconcordance describes the misalignment between genital response and sexual arousal. Nonconcordance occurs for everyone. Women experience nonconcordance approximately 90% of the time while men experience it approximately 50% of the time. However, these are generalizations that are not true for everyone.

Orgasm is difficult to define because the experience differs for each person. It is often described as the release of sexual tension. Various physiological processes may play a role in orgasm. For example, vaginal muscles may tighten.

The sexual excitation system is one half of the dual control model. Sex-related stimuli send signals to the brain that result in excitement, pleasure, and arousal. These stimuli are what Dr. Nagoski refers to throughout the book as “accelerators.”

The sexual inhibition system is the other half of the dual control model. In this portion, sex-related stimuli send signals to the brain that indicate the “Turn off!” message. These stimuli are referred to as “brakes.”

When individuals worry about their appearance, bodies, or sexual performance during intercourse, this is called “spectatoring.” Dr. Nagoski explains that spectatoring can inhibit women from experiencing orgasm.

The vagina is the internal canal that leads to the uterus. The vagina is used for reproduction. While many believe that orgasm is achieved primarily through vaginal penetration, most women find that other forms of stimuli are more effective.