All Boys Aren't Blue

Many of Johnson’s relatives avoid the bias cisgender and heterosexual people often hold against queer people. “Dear Little Brother” is a letter to Johnson’s younger brother, Garrett, regarding his acceptance of Johnson. Garrett’s acceptance is important enough to warrant its own letter because the theme of breaking cycles of violence is so important to Johnson’s narrative. Johnson writes in Chapter 4 that “Adults who participate in homophobia create kids that do the same” (47), illustrating the taught and cyclical nature of anti-gay bias. Garrett, who now has a child, can model queer acceptance for a new generation.

Chapter 7 reflects on Nanny’s role in Johnson’s life. Johnson begins self-isolating due to their feelings of being different and their struggle with their queerness. Nanny sees this and does what she can to protect Johnson from the dangers of isolation, breaking the cycle of violence perpetuated by cisheteronormative families. Johnson interweaves the personal with larger historical context by referencing Giovanni Melton, whose father killed him for being gay (84). Johnson’s family is unusual in its level of acceptance, and Johnson wishes every family could have their own “Nanny,” reinforcing the idea that violent anti-queer behaviors are learned and that families are the place to unlearn them.

Chapter 8 touches on the historical context that shaped Johnson’s father’s side of the family. Johnson directly quotes Jim Crow laws to describe the environment their paternal grandmother grew up in. This environment excused white women from legal obligation to help Black men in hospitals and barred Black barbers from cutting the hair of white women. As a result, Johnson’s paternal grandmother, who grew up amid such laws, denounces white people. Their grandmother is also a devout Christian, while Johnson’s father is patriarchal to the point of expecting his aged mother to care for him. This context implicitly ties together racism and anti-queer bias. The southern United States boasted the vast majority of enslaved African Americans, many of whom could not afford to leave post-Emancipation due to the sharecropping system, Jim Crow laws, and other legal barriers to freedom; the South is also the seat of American Christian conservatism. This historical context directly impacts Johnson’s life by informing their father’s decision to push away his first gay child, G.G. However, when Johnson establishes a bond with their father, they reiterate that straight Black men can be protectors for Black queer people. This emphasizes that these anti-queer behaviors are learned and can be broken.

Chapter 9 reflects on Johnson’s only out and proud queer representation in their family growing up, their transgender cousin Hope. Johnson did not have the language to understand themself as nonbinary and so always assumed they would grow up to transition like Hope did. Hope is another example of the extraordinarily accepting nature of Johnson’s family, though her story has a sad ending; Johnson describes her as wasting away, implying that HIV/AIDS caused her death. The fear of HIV/AIDS is present heavily throughout the memoir. Part of Johnson’s shame in coming out to their family was due to growing up at a time when HIV/AIDS was stigmatized and portrayed as a disease that only affected gay men. Johnson addresses Hope, who is not present, directly in this chapter—a literary device called apostrophe. Through this framing, Johnson implies that they wish Hope were still here to read these words. Hope’s death is unjust and part of the cycles that Johnson wishes to break.

“Dear Mommy” is the last letter in the memoir and chronicles Johnson’s realization of what it means to take care of family members who have taken care of them. After their mother’s surgery, they must feed her and take care of her. The theme of family and friends continues through the next chapter, where Johnson must care for Nanny as she ages and battles cancer. Nanny’s “lesson” for Johnson is that eventually, everybody will need someone to take care of them as they age or experience illness and injury. Although Johnson struggles to reconcile themself to Nanny’s inevitable death, caring for those who have taken care of them is a beautiful opportunity: a chance to return the love and care they received and a reinforcement of commitment to their family. This mutual love contrasts with the violence and alienation queer people often face from their biological families.